My theme song since I was about six.
It is kind of scary how little I have progressed over the years. Or how aware I was of how hard the world is, even back then.
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.There are times when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man.
Wont you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you a radical,
Liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Wont you sign up your name, wed like to feel you’re
Acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!At night, when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man.
Wont you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.
The true story of what was.
Every time I hear this it’s as amazing as the first time.
the light blue flickering rhythm
of the neighbor’s big console t.v.
is basking on the ceiling
of another insomniatic spree
and outside sleep’s open window
between the drops of rain
history is writing a recipe book
for every earthly painoh to clean up the clutter of echoes
coming in and out of focus
words spoken
like locusts
sing and sing
in my headand thing is
they often seem
in my memory’s long dream
to be superfluous to
the true story of what wascause
real is real regardless
of what you try to say
or say away
real is real relentless
while words distract and dismay
words that change their tune
though the story remains the same
words that fill me quickly
and then are slow to drain
dialogues that dither down reminiscent
of the way it likes to rain
every screen
a smoke screen
oh to dream
just for a moment
the picture
outside the framethen in a flash
the light blue horizon
spanning a sudden black
is sucked into the vanishing point
and quiet rushes back
to search for the downbeat
in a tabla symphony
to search in the darkness
for someone who looks like me(though i’m not really who i said i was
or who i thought i’d be)just a collection of recollections
conversations consisting
of the kind of marks we make
when we’re trying to get a pen to work againa lifetime of them
i say to me
now here listening
i say to the locusts
that sing and sing to me sitting
now here on the front porch swing of my eyes:i hereby amend
whatever i’ve ever said
with this sigh
If you’re feeling sinister…
Anthony walked to his death because he thought he’d never feel this way again
If he goes back to the house then things would go from bad to worse, what could he do?
He wants to remember things exactly as he left them on that Wednesday
And if there is something else beyond, he isn’t scared because
It’s bound to be less boring than today
It’s bound to be less boring than tomorrow
Hilary walked to her death because she couldn’t think of anything to say
Everybody thought that she was boring, so they never listened anyway
Nobody was really saying anything of interest, she fell asleep She was into S&M and bible studies
Not everyone’s cup of tea she would admit to meBut if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
He’ll try in vain to take away the pain of being a hopeless unbelieverBut if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
Chances are you’ll probably feel better
If you stayed and played with yourself-Belle and Sebastian
Believe it or not my spirits are pretty great today, I swear! I mostly wanted to post the last two paragraphs but the first was too good to leave out.
Mayonaise.
Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
JuneWe’ll try and ease the pain
But somehow we’ll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets goI send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I’m rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
ScreamAnd I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I willMother weep the years I’m missing
All our time can’t be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feelingSo bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I willFool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I’ll always feel thisNo more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
You’re Lucky
Don’t doubt yourself babe
Let your feet stand up for your beliefs babe
I know what’s running through your mind
You think you ought to capture time
Make love walk the straight and narrowOh oh oh
Don’t doubt yourself gal
Let what’s inside be your guide you know darn well
For all the wrongs been done to you
Is makin’ you prettier so don’t be blue
The life you’ve lived and what you’ve been through you’re luckyOh oh oh
Don’t doubt yourself when
Daylight fades and darkness begins
It’s only come to show you that
You’re the one who knows where it’s at
The rest who think they’ve got it pat know nothingOh oh oh
Don’t doubt yourself cause
At the end of your words no one applaudes
The truth is proven to be found
Harder to take the first time around
So don’t you worry it’s gonna be all rightOh oh oh
I want to cross that line
Breathing in the night
There’s nothing else I’m needing now
The wind is at my side
And so are you
Together we will rise
Above all these words and promises we couldn’t keep
Together we will fly
Above it all now
But sometimes we will fall
From the light
But it shines on us tonight
Together we will rise
Together we will riseSurely it’s a sign now
That everything’s in tune to some kind of higher plan
Yeah surely it’s a sign
That you were right
There’s this secret line
That we’ve been denied
And we’re crossing it tonight
And together we will rise
And together we will rise
Sometimes we will fall
From the light
But it shines on us tonight
And together will rise
Past this light
And we’ll cross it here tonight
And together we will rise
Listening to The Frames is so last summer-tastic it is kind of freaking me out. Last summer was really complicated and difficult for me, moreso than any other time in my life for sure.
They all want me to change…
Sweet sweet sweet sweet
Little agony
I don’t know just where you’ve been
But I’ll take take take
All that you have for me
In sin
Where are we going?And they all want you to change
And they all want you to changeAnd the sad sad sad
Faces drown
In this town
Where are we goingAnd they all want you to change
Where are we going
And they all want you to change
Where are we going
Release
I’m surrounded
I surrender
All
All that I am I have been
All I have been has been a long time coming
I am becoming all that I am
The spittle that surrounds the mouth-piece of the flute
Unheard, yet felt
A gathered wetness
A quiet moisture
Sound trapped in a bubble
Released into wind
Wind fellows and land merchants
We are history’s detergent
Water soluble, light particles, articles of cleansing breath
Articles amending death
These words are not tools of communication
They are shards of metal
Dropped from eight story windows
They are waterfalls and gas leaks
Aged thoughts rolled in tobacco leaf
The tools of a trade
Barbers barred, barred of barters
Catch phrases and misunderstandings
But they are not what I feel when I am alone
Surrounded by everything and nothing
And there isn’t a word or phrase to be caught
A verse to be recited
A man to de-fill my being in those moments
I am blankness, the contained center of an “O”
The pyramidic containment of an “A”
I stand in the middle of all that I have learned
All that I have memorized
All that I’ve known by heart
Unable to reach any of it
There is no sadness
There is no bliss
It is a forgotten memory
A memorable escape route that only is found by not looking
There, in the spine of the dictionary the words are worthless
They are a mere weight pressing against my thoughtlessness
Brainwashers
Walk, to a time when minds was one
Came into creation as itself, mankind was born
Step into the eye of the storm, survive as pawns
Casualties of evil men, slidin’ the blinders on
Lies will spawn, hey are you concious what side you’re on?
Is the total story told or is it they hide you from?
While we’re on the brink of murderin’ more innocent
Now we’re sliding, we’re patriotic and so militant
Get ya ride on, rise on, take a look
They done even takin’ righteous laws, rewrote the books
To benefit the prize they got they eyes on
Minds run rampant, truth to be revealed when the proper time comes
BrainwashersBrainwashers
It’s when you think how they wanna think
Speak how they wanna speak, Livin’ in defeat
When you don’t wanna question what they teach, as the truth
With no proof, with the fear of burnin’ in eternal heat
When youre programmed not to be your own man, but a sheep
Bein’ herded as they word it, so you think it ain’t free
When you sleep in a deep sleep standin’ on your feet
When your beat makin’ ends meet, rotting and they see
Now your labeled obsolete, workin’ for elite deeds
In the heat on bare feet, smile showin’ off your teeth
Good grief, it’s a circus how they work it
And they jerk it, while they serve us the circus
The circus keeps us underneath the brainwashers
And I’ll be guilty for the rest of my life.
You know how it is with me baby
You know I just can’t stand myself
And it takes a whole lot of medicine darling
for me to pretend that I’m somebody else
I think the acute level of anxiety I am feeling at having run out of pot and not being able to immediately get more is… well kind of a problem. BUT IT’S ONLY A PROBLEM WHEN I RUN OUT!!!
