The Girlfriend’s Guide to Heavy Metal

August 24, 2009 at 10:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

While at a death metal show a couple weeks ago, my coworkers wife was telling me about this article she wrote. Upon my insistence, she put it up on her blog for all to enjoy!

The guy in front of me is sweating like a pig, and a minute ago he smacked me in the face with his wet, stringy hair. Some of it got in my mouth, and even though it didn’t taste like anything, I want to brush my teeth. Or gargle. Or something. I can still feel the texture of that sweat-soaked mane on my lips, like the trail a slug leaves in the dirt, and it makes me want to retch.

The guy’s being a real ass, trying to climb on the backs of the guys in front of him, reaching out his arms to the stage. In his desperation, he elbows the dude next to him in the face. I’ve tried to back away, but I’m scared to move too much – the guy behind me is seven feet tall, and he’s bald, and he has a neck tattoo.

I want to go home. My feet hurt, my makeup’s running, and the smell in the middle of the mosh pit is unbearable. If I fell down right now, I’m sure I’d be trampled by a stampede of combat boots. I can’t understand a word the band is saying – possibly something about torture? Kittens? Norse mythology? It’s hard to tell when they growl so much. This is, undoubtedly, one of the worst moments of my life. I’m a girl! What the hell am I doing here?

I scan the crowd, looking for my husband, Henrik, and find him at the foot of the stage. He’s entranced by the music, roaring along with the lyrics, banging his head to the music with everyone else. It’s as though the rest of the world has disappeared. And even though he’s scowling, and kinda looks like a demon, his eyes are sparkling.

READ THE REST HERE! She is a great writer.

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some lolcats.

July 30, 2009 at 9:51 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I was feeling pretty horrible this morning. I decided to partake in the guilty pleasure of viewing some crappy “humour” combined with intentionally poor spelling and cute animals. Here are some highlights, incase you are having a shitty day too.

funny-pictures-cat-hates-everything

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Best intertubing of the day:

July 10, 2009 at 6:42 pm (Neat Stuff) (, , , )

15 creepiest vintage ads of all time

These are my favourite:

ChocolateDemon

Murder
What are they even getting at with this one? I will never look at our PB postage meter the same.

SoupDisaster

doubt
HOLY SHIT!!! In this one not only is the ad traumatizing, but the product itself is fucking demented!!!

Spanking

BabySoft
In what universe was this not totally perverted?

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How had no one EVER COMBINED THESE BEFORE?

May 10, 2009 at 11:07 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

virginkiller

Clearly I am a genius.

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Imagine how terrifying…

March 4, 2009 at 9:16 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

a world without god would be.

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Mighty Putty

March 4, 2009 at 8:35 pm (Uncategorized) ()

Okay, so this is funny and all, but why the hell isn’t “Billy Mays” shouting? DON’T THEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BILLY MAYS??

via matthewgood.org

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LOL

February 24, 2009 at 9:18 pm (Cute Animals, Uncategorized) (, , )

I don’t know this person, but I have to post this photo set entitled ‘Pet Photography Gone Horribly Wrong’ because find it extremely amusing.

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One of the few political things I will say on this blog:

February 7, 2009 at 2:40 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

Obama is kind of an asshole.

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End the day with some lolcats.

December 17, 2008 at 12:19 am (Cute Animals) (, , , , )

I finally feel like I can stop apologizing for the idiocy of lolcats ever since the last hold out, my ex-boyfriend, started sending them to me! If even he can accept them, then everyone should be able to appreciate the supreme cuteness.

urwerdizn128621684972993514
This one is my favourite as it is topical to my life currently.

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AWESOM-O will not make fun of you or tell your secrets to other people and stuff.

December 10, 2008 at 12:10 am (Uncategorized) (, )

I finally did that make yourself into a South Park character thing. I enjoy partaking in trends years later than it is cool.

ambersp2
Me. Super flattering haha.

mesp2
A nicer one of me.

geoffreysp
Jeff! Note he is IN HELLLLL!!!!

PS: DID I EVER TELL YOU BITCHES I HAVE TICKETS TO MOTHERFUCKING BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE IN SEATTLE? I can’t tell you how excited I am. I have wanted to see them live for quite a while!!!

broken-social-scene1

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