I’ve got a friend in Jesus.
Also I went to Vancouver on the weekend to visit Lindsay before she disappears to LA, the lucky girl. Even though I never see her, I shall miss her regardless! May be a good excuse to finally make it to California for a visit!
It was a pretty good weekend. Saw my brother, ate Indian food 3 times, spent too much money on clothes [finally made it to H&M but there were so many people and I was all tired and sweaty and the wait for the change rooms was about half an hour so it was kind of a fruitless journey.] Also I played Rock Band for the first time ever [for some reason Malloreigh singing 'Spirit in the Sky' while we're all drunk was pretty memorable for me.] Finally grasped the concept that an iPhone is “not bells and whistles… it’s a life tool.”-Linds. Went out to Glory Days at the Biltmore which I had heard so much about. I had never been to a bar night with Lindsay where she takes a bunch of pictures and stuff, I was kind of nervous. It was fun though. She even took a few pictures of me that were not horrible. I wish I was not so awkward in front of a camera. One day I will be one of these people that’s all uninhibited and free in front of the lens. So I dream anyway, although I am not too sure how that’s possible. I am afraid the only way might be to spend a lot of time with someone who takes a lot of photos, but hat seems somehow unlikely.
Drunk – check. Skinny – not so much.
Anyone know any good low calorie alcoholic beverages? Post your favourites here. I want to keep drinking excessively AND lose weight hopefully someday. Jim Beam and apple juice is not helping.
My one and only ever beer bong. I took it like a total champ, the observers could scarcely believe it. I miss Cathy and Heather. I thought that might be the start of a really solid ‘friend group.’ Then Heather left. Sounds dumb to say cause me and Cathy have been friends for oh, ten years now, but for some reason it seems impossible to get the two of us together. It’s like we need fresh people in the mix to force us to hang out. Cause I am antisocial mostly I guess and Cathy has given up on me over the years.
Worries for a Friday.
I once had a friend. A friend who although not having spent much time together, he knew me more intimately and deeply than most people had in my life, I felt. He was wise but for so many more reasons than his age. He was so much more than a pen-pal, and was someone who I felt would always be in my life. I have not heard a word from him in months. The last paragraph I received was, “I really want to tell you what I’m doing and, more importantly hear what/how you are doing. I will write more soon. I’m thinking of you everyday.” Normally I would write this off as just one of those things… someone either being not who you thought they were, or simply someone being busy and growing distant. I just never expected this from this source, never expected to have numerous emails disappear into a black void, nothing left but to wonder. “I hope that through keeping in touch, I might be able to experience even one ray of your radiance as you continue to grow into the magnificent person you are becoming.” Yea, right. I am probably overreacting, and I am not pulling an old-fashioned guilt trip to presumably deaf ears, I am just airing one of the many concerns that I devote my life to being plagued by.
“Happiness, please reveal yourself to me. There are no chains around me yet still I am not free.” -Gregory Isaacs
My boyfriend sent that lyric to me last week. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It seems as I have gotten older, as I have shaped my life more and more into what I want it to be, it seems to have little impact on my overrall state of happiness. By all accounts, my life is pretty great right now. What isn’t perfect is fairly easily within my power to fix. Taking an inventory of your life is interesting. Do I have right now the things that I dreamed of as a kid that I would have in my adult life? A man I love and lust after. Check. A house I can decorate as I please, listen to music in as loud as I please etc. Check. A dog, an alright paying job, the ability to eat dinner when I please, get high when I please, watch tv when I please, do everything else when I please…. the only thing missing is the social factor I imagined myself magically attaining at some point in my life. Why then, when I have all these beautiful things, do I still feel, to melodramatisize it, tortured? My brain can never be happy with what it has; It must yearn for things in the future and feel guilt and a sad fondness for things it has left behind. I always find things to be stressed over; If one source of stress is alleviated I seem to find another to replace it. I spend so much time thinking about these things that it gives me no time for a happy life. I sometimes think that no matter what I achieve in my life, what negative things I cut out, what improvements I make or chances I take, I will always find something that just doesn’t quite let me be happy. I worry I will never find peace in this lifetime. Hopefully I am just being young and naive, like when I was 15 and couldn’t get a boyfriend and so thought I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
New feature, Track of the Day. The Animals – Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood. There is something about the keyboard sound of this era that often gives me goosebumps.
The bathroom mirror has not budged.
And now, for a walk down old photobucket account lane. [In my attempt to write that last sentence I first wrote photofucket and then photoducket... I am sharp today.]
Two Decembers ago now…. when my job wasn’t quite so suck. I had a peer, no a FRIEND even. Imagine that. Then again I am glad a couple people from this picture are not in my life anymore at least.
The places of my [literary] dreams:
I was vain…. or I pretended I was to mask insecurity.
When I was a kid I loved this game….. WIDGET.
This is Evo… my wintertimesickoncouchplayingemulatorsupposedtogotothesantaclauseparadebuttoolazy game. Sweet sweet emulators :(
Ah Battle Dodge Ball… fun. I find somehow the more advanced video games get the less fun they become… so sad.
Some dude was supposed to make this into a tshirt but I don’t think he ever did.
I used to take a lot of pictures in my underwear until the world shamed me into stopping. Or I just grew up, I am not so sure.
Didn’t you know Santa’s black?
I think my lips are underappreciated.
You can’t tell but this is wine my cat is drinking!
I was/am not an attention whore. what are you talking about?
This is when I started smoking pot, cause it was within my power to pack a bowl :P
My wall from lifetimes ago
I miss my kitty :(
Sweet earmuffs or what?
Speaking of awesome costumes…
When my cat was pink.
so cute.
Well that killed a few hours.. thanks for letting me indulge.
Reelin in the Years
In highschool I was pretty mature towards interacting with males I was not especially acquainted with.
I can’t find my box of stuffed animals *tears*!
And I wonder if everything could ever feel this real forever.
In grade twelve I enjoyed casual methamphetamine use [and bad poetry and old typewriters.]
Eww, pasts.
I always thought this looked like I was flashing a gang sign. When I posted it on facebook a friend mentioned that so I am glad someone agreed. I think I just had not yet finely tuned my waving skills?
BOWLING BIRTHDAY! WOOT!
It was a look I was going for, okay?
I am not sure why I thought it was okay to wear all fleece in an outfit.
Bored.
Going to the beach after work is awesome. It is nice how the dog forces one to get out and enjoy the outside more. It is nice now, but I dread rainy cold winter! Then I shall curse her soul.
I had a good weekend. I think I got some pictures, I forget. Saturday I got a haircut from Brittani. I have bangs again, I feel like I am in highschool. This might be a good thing if I didn’t have horrible self esteem in highschool, and that seems to be rubbing off on my view of my new hair! I think I will grow to like it though.
I miss working with Brittani, I hate how some people you just kind of lose touch with if you’re not forced to see eachother every day! Through no fault of the friendship itself, I think, just the kind of people we both are.
Ah good times int he deluxe room at the River Rock Casino.
Us with my former boss… So I worked next to her every day and she booked a deluxe room for us at the River Rock and gambled until 5 am after we had gone to bed… how was I to know she was a gambling-addicted embezzler? Haha.
Back when I would actually go to a staff party.
The rest of Saturday… I think I have some pictures of so I won’t post about it now.
Fleet Foxes tonight! I am less tired this Wednesday, I am glad it was this week and not last.
