On the juice
Me walking to the Pantry for lunch: Stupid snow, oh no this footing is slippery, I hope I don’t fall, why don’t you watch where you’re going stupid cars, eww look at that dumb child over there, I hope I won’t be late getting back, the food at the Pantry kinda sucks…
Me walking back to work after lunch [1 glass of shitty red wine consumed]: Hey maybe the world is kind of neat. I have no worries about falling. Everything will work itself out! I have such hope for the future. What a great day.
I think 1 glass of red wine makes me feel like a ‘normal’ person. It rids me of that constantly underlying fear and negativity that courses through my cortex. Is it any wonder I want to be slightly drunk all the time?
We’ll have to muddle through somehow.
Merry Christmas everyone. Off to Vancouver for a couple days.
And I’m not even high.
Every time I listen to Mogwai [which isn't often enough] I am shocked by how moving it is. How deeply and profoundly something can stir you when there are no lyrics. I often [almost always] find myself feeling a true bond with a song when the lyrics are something that resonate with me as truth. Mogwai bring that feeling, but much more intensely, simply by their slow building, droning, epic, gentle and sometimes furious, rock. It struck me as I was listening to their Government Commissions album just now that Mogwai live in the special place in my head where dreams live. Where the emotion reaches you and stays with you without being encumbered by rationality or facts. Where you’re drifting through vagueries which cannot be described but feel unquantifiably important at the time, never to be recalled clearly, only remaining as a general feeling that one can’t quite remember yet encapsulates their whole soul.
I can’t believe I didn’t know them until a few months ago…. everyone should know who they are. I wonder if I would appreciate them so much if I hadn’t seen them live. Definitely one of the best and most powerful live shows I have ever seen.
Winter stupidland.
So, it’s fucking snowy here right now. It generally does not snow much in this part of the world. It is especially horrible around my place, higher elevation, less traffic. Yesterday I had the day off. The dog was ill so I had to take her on a walk to go to the bathroom three times. I felt like I was walking her all day.
Our last walk was actually kind of fun though. I brought my camera and captured some of the ‘wonder.’
Actually, first, here are some pictures from the first snow, on Monday.
Views from our deck:
And then, the remaining 5cm or so arrived on Wednesday.
My road [that I have to tromp up in the morning to get to the car we have to park on the main road:]
Our skylight, when I first looked out and thought, ‘Oh shit, not again.’
Rox distracted by sheep.
Without flash:
With flash:
If you know me well you know how perfect it is that there is a VW camper parked in our driveway. Unfortunately it is too stinky to have sleepovers in like I used to when I was a kid.
End the day with some lolcats.
I finally feel like I can stop apologizing for the idiocy of lolcats ever since the last hold out, my ex-boyfriend, started sending them to me! If even he can accept them, then everyone should be able to appreciate the supreme cuteness.
This one is my favourite as it is topical to my life currently.
‘witty caption’ t-shirts < nerdy ‘witty caption’ t-shirts
And now, for some mind-numbing via coveting material things I would like to purchase online.
Que sara sara….
It’s at night when I am alone with my thoughts… that is when I really fall apart. My thoughts are my enemies, and I fear this always will be.
Pop culture = evil
It would be difficult for me to care any less about American Idol or Paula Abdul [save the Rush, Rush video where I fell in love with Keanu Reeves as a child.] Anyway, this is kinda fucked regardless.
Paula Abdul is accusing American Idol producers of forcing her to come face-to-face with known stalker Paula Goodspeed, reports People.
Abdul was a guest on Barbara Walters’ Sirius XM radio show Barbara Live!, where she claimed that Idol producers allowed Goodspeed to get close to her for “entertainment value.” The Idol judge was familiar with the girl and begged producers not to let Goodspeed audition in Season 5, but they went ahead and allowed her into the room anyway.
“I said, ‘This girl is a stalker of mine. Please do not let her in.’ Everyone knew. I was shaking,” Abdul remembered. She also claimed producers insisted Goodspeed audition because it would “be fun for them to cause me stress,” and added that Goodspeed showed up at other auditions and obtained her address by following her home from one of them.
“She had been writing disturbing letters for 17 years, almost 18 years,” said Abdul. “We had restraining orders at times.”
Abdul claims Goodspeed also sent her naked pictures of herself and, in some letters, threatened her with “bodily harm.” Abdul adds, “She said the only way I will serve her purpose is when I’m up in heaven being her guardian angel.”
On Nov. 11, police found Goodspeed dead of an apparent suicide outside of Abdul’s home.
Yea.. she doesn’t look whack or anything.
The kind of love only a mother could provide.
After a WONDERFUL conversation with my mother last night where she suggested I put down my dog because it’s an inconvenience, I had the most horrible nightmare filled sleep. My family was holding me prisoner, it was Christmas, they were making me do everything and being extremely cruel, telling me I am fucked up, too sensitive, and worse. Mean to the point of abuse. Even my favourite little cousin was making me cry. The ferries were canceled because of a snowstorm. I kept trying to call Jeff on the phone but when my family would catch me they would take it away. I kept forgetting his phone number… then later in another nightmare I was raped repeatedly, and not in the sexy fantasy way. In the afraid for your life way. Great sleep.
THANKS, MOM! Or rather, thanks my stupid brain that let’s insignificant things destroy me. Sigh.
